It's not stealing if you don't get caught

I was just asked to clarify whether the words "jack" and "gank" mean exactly the same thing or whether they have subtleties that set them apart

I'm happy to oblige.

And for fun, I'm going to throw in another related word: bogart.

"Jack" generally implies that whatever is being taken is of some value, was taken without permission, and is not going to be returned. "Someone jacked my hat while I was at lunch." Jacking may also occur with permission, but definitely connotes that it's not going to be returned. "Can I jack a couple sheets of paper?"

"Bogart" refers to something that has little value, or is meant to be shared, disposed of, whatnot. It's most often with permission. It may also refer to something that's going to be returned. "Can I bogart your pen for a second?" or "Mind if I bogart a stick of gum?" It might be done more stealthily though, as in, "Someone's been bogarting paperclips out of my cup; I hardly have any left." Bogarting can also mean to hog something or take more than one's share; this use is especially common among potheads: "Quit bogarting the stash."

"Gank" is also a form of harmless, minimally annoying misappropriation of goods, though it has the definite implication that there is either more of the good still left ("I never buy ketchup; I just gank a ton of packets when I'm at Burger King.") or that something is being ripped off, but without actually removing it from the original source, as in, "Oh, I just ganked the text off of the hotel website and pasted it onto the conference flyers."

Rube Goldberg, eat your heart out

I'm sitting here writing progress notes, and was getting bored, so I tied a bandana that was lying here around the cat's neck. So far so good. So I was typing and rubbing the cat's tummy, and he was rolling around like a freak. Then, as typically will happen eventually with this idiot, he liked the tummy rubbing so much that he fell off the couch. Whoever said cats always land on their feet apparently never tried rubbing a kitty tummy on a couch. Or a bed. So the cat fell to the floor with a thud as usual, except that this time the bandana flipped over his eyes. When cats get blindfolded, they back away from the blindfold, which is why it's especially fun to put socks over their heads. So then I have this cat backing all over the floor in circles at hyper warp speed. Amusing, until he backed into my beer. I heard the all-too-familiar beer-spilling sounds of "clunk" then "ffsssshht." And then "cheepcheepcheep." Waitaminute. So I look down, and the beer has made a puddle on the hardwood. Right underneath one of those damned easter chicks that chirps when the two sensors on the bottom have their circuit completed. Ah, apparently beer is a pretty good conductor. The cat, meanwhile, still can't see, and is furiously deciding whether to be terrified of the possessed chicken, fall madly in love with it, or to drink the beer. So he chooses the smartest option and does all three. Which leaves me writing this instead of my progress notes. Yyyeah.

Robbing Peter and, uh, then sending him a bill for it

I got a bill from Beth Israel about 6 months ago for a copay I'd paid at the visit (almost a year before), so I called and asked them about this, and they said it had indeed been paid, and not to worry about it. Then a month later or so, I got a refund check from them for an overpayment on another visit -- something that they had billed me for as not being covered and then which my insurance had decided to cover.

Then today I got a collection notice regarding the first Beth Israel bill. I called and told the person that I had called when I got the first bill and had been told I didn't have a balance. I told him I had gotten a refund check in the meantime, and asked why I got a refund check if I owed them money. He said he didn't know. I asked if there was some other way to look, maybe by pulling up my social, and seeing if they had two accounts for me or something. He said that wouldn't have happened.

He said there was no way I could have gotten a refund check, because it didn't show any refund check. I told him I had definitely gotten one, and I knew this, because a refund check came in the mail. To me. From them. For an overpayment. So he then said "well, I have no way of knowing what's going on with any of this, because you have 12 accounts in here."

Whaaaat? Didn't he just tell me that I didn't have more than one account? So then he tells me that I'd been in the hospital 12 times in the past two years, and so I had 12 accounts. And wasn't he able to pull them all up as being tied to me? I've been the same person and with the same insurance and address the whole time. So anyway, I asked him if he could pull up the fact that they'd issued me a check, since, you know, they wrote me a check, and they'd have a way of pulling that up. He said "that would require me going into your financial record." Wait, because we haven't been in it yet? No WONDER you think I owe you money, yet you're sending me refunds. So I asked him if he could do that. "No, I don't have access to that."

Pope haiku!

Here's some pope haiku from me and my brother. Feel free to add your own.*

Jokes about St. Pete
And the pope will be funny
Hurry up and die

Isn't he dead yet?
It's messing with the TV
Pope needs to kick off
~eeka's brother

They fail to report
What I wonder; Did he give
HimSELF his last rites?

Whoa! That was first thing
I wondered when the news broke
Pope is near dirt nap
~eeka's brother

*If you think that writing haikus in poor taste makes me an awful person, this is fine with me. You're not the type of person whose opinions I value anyway.