Me: *presses voicemail button*
Voicemail: Please call us for an important message at 1-800-850-4622 between 8am and 4pm Eastern Standard Time.
Me: *throws phone at wall, retrieves it, calls number to see if it's somewhere I actually have a relationship with*
Phone: Hi, you've reached GMAC* Mortgage Company...
My brain: ...oh, yeah I have a mortgage with them...
Phone: ...collections department...
Phone: Please choose from the following options. For an account that--
Me: *presses 0*
Phone: Please choose from the following--
Phone: Please choose--
Me: *0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 000000000*
Phone: Your call may be monitored or recorded for security purposes.
Me: I don't have it handy. You called me.
Person: Certainly ma'am, I can look it up ma'am. Ma'am, what's your social security number?
Me: *says social security number*
Person: All right ma'am, thank you ma'am, ma'am, for verification purposes can I have your name?
Me: *says name*
Person: All right ma'am, thank you ma'am, ma'am, for verification purposes can I have your
Person: All right ma'am, thank you ma'am, ma'am, for verification purposes can I have your mailing address? All right ma'am, thank you ma'am, ma'am, for verification purposes can I have your phone number? All right ma'am, thank you ma'am, ma'am, for verification purposes is there an alternate phone number?
Person: All right ma'am, thank you ma'am. I have been able to verify your account ma'am. Ma'am, we're calling to remind you that there is a payment due, and that to avoid collections activity ma'am, we're going to need to ask you to make a payment by the 15th ma'am.
Me: I have autopay. It comes out every month on the 15th, and it's been doing so.
Person: Ma'am that should be fine ma'am, it just needs to be paid by the 15th in order to avoid collections ma'am.
Me: Can you stop calling me ma'am?
Person: Certainly ma--uh--er... Uh.
Me: Thank you. OK, why are you people calling me? My account is not overdue, and I have autopay set up, which pays my account on time every month.
Person: Yes ma'am, I see here that you have autopay set up for your bank account ending in 0875 ma'am, and we've been receiving the payments ma'am, but it wasn't in our system that you have autopay, which is why you were called ma'am.
Me: That doesn't make any sense. It's in your system, except for how it's not in your system. Um, why did collections call me if I'm not past due?
Person: Ma'am, you have a payment that needs to be made by the 15th of this month...
Me: Yes, clearly. And autopay is going to make it, on the 15th, yes?
Person: Uh, yes ma'am, I see that ma'am, so I just needed to make sure that you had planned to make a payment by the 15th of this month, because--
Me: Yeah, OK, sure, thanks, bye. *click*
*Yes, my mortgage has been sold YET AGAIN.