From the "no, see, you're asking for something from ME" department

I just got a letter from some third-party agency hired by my health insurance company to follow up and see if an injury for which I was treated could possibly be covered by worker's comp or auto insurance or property liability insurance or a civil suit or something. In other words, they're looking for some way to get someone else to pay for the claim so Blue Cross Blue Shield doesn't have to.

Having sustained a lot of freak injuries, I'm used to getting these forms and writing back something like, "no, I have epilepsy and spinal cord injury and am generally uncoordinated and have a tendency to do really stupid things, so I assure you that I was injured entirely by my own fault and there's no one to go after. Also, I plan to spend the weekend taunting wildlife while running with a chainsaw. Have I mentioned that I don't remember the accident because I've been drunk for the past eight years. Thank you for your time."

So, I'm going down the list, checking off that, no, there was not an automobile involved, it wasn't on someone else's property, it wasn't while working, goddammit, enough questions already; I sliced open an artery and a couple of tendons while trying to cut a bagel, and no, you can't have the name of the bakery. Or the knife manufacturer.

Then I glance at the envelope on my desk and realize that instead of a series of pleasing bold black lines and a "no postage necessary if mailed in the United States," there's a square and a "post office will not deliver without proper postage."

Waaaitaminute. I'm not paying 37 cents to assist you people in finding someone else to blame for my injury. Dumbasses.

Reminds me of when my mortgage company has called me and been like "stay on the line for a very important call from AMC Mortgage" and then insisted I give them my account number. "Ma'am, we are unable to proceed without you giving us this information." Uh, hi, that's really fine with me if we don't proceed, since I didn't ask you to call me in the first place.

Ooh, on second thought, maybe I should pull the insurance letter out of the shred pile and send it to them after all. "Um, yes, I distinctly recall that my injury was caused by AMC Mortgage."


2 comments:

Lyss said...

I thought I was the only one who had noticed that lack of courtesy lately. It's kind of a shitty thing for large companies to do (among the other shitty things they do).


As for taunting the wildlife- have you thought of alternating between a chainsaw and a weedwhacker?

:-)

Ron Newman said...

I hope you at least get free tickets to AMC movie theatres when you answer that phone call.