"There should be a longass German word for that," part eleventeen

"I want to invite you, because I want you to feel included, but I know it's something you wouldn't enjoy, so I don't want you to feel any pressure to come, but if you do decide to come, you're of course totally welcome."

1 comment:

tblade said...

YES! This is sooooo needed. And it needs to be in everyone's vocabulary.

In the hetero world, this is a huge problem. When a male says this, he means precisley this. He really means "Hey, if you don't want to hang out with my friends, drink beer and watch football, you don't have to. But you can if you like." Too often, (hetero) women turn this around.

Man: Do I really have to go to [random friend]'s wedding?
Woman: All those times I sat around while you and your ape-like pals gott drunk and watched football...and you can't just be happy to go with me to one event?
Man: I told you that you didn't have to come with me to watch football...
Woman: Oh! So you'd perfer *not* to spend time with me. I see...

[That's two strikes in one brief discussion! Dirty tricks!]

Hetero women also don't understand that most things guys do fall under this "come if you want to" category. We understand that hetero women may not be into ball games, watching Jackass, hanging out with 80% of our male friends. And we are cool with this. But hetero women feel the need to include their s/o's in everything. They say "Do you want to go shoe shopping with me?", "Do you want to go vist my parents this Sunday?", "Can we stop by the craft fair for a minute (read: several hours)?" but really mean "I am going to visit my parents on Sunday. You're either coming or I will resent this for the rest of my waking life." The "come if you want" offer does not exist in these contexts except when used as an indirect way of saying "don't come if you want...to be forever hated".

I don't mean to pick on anyone or posit the idea that I don't have my own issues. I'm just saying if we had this word and everyone fully understood it, shit would be less confusing.