LIVEBLOGGING WILL NOW COMMENCE

8:16 PM

I've now had enough wine* that I think I'm cool enough to start liveblogging.
*not from a grocery store

8:22

The Channel 38 chick is in Bob's Southern Bistro. "I'm here asking local voters what they think about Deval's victory."

1) Ma'am, 1% of precincts are reporting. Chill.
2) By "local," you mean "Black," right?
3) Is Bob's, like, as far as you're willing to venture into *dun dun dun* peopleofcolorland?


8:26

Hey! Wine is winning!

Are we gonna be able to buy it in grocery stores, like, tomorrow?

8:30

What's a special interest group? Is, like, anything a special interest group when someone wants to bitch about it?

8:40

TV guy: "Deval Patrick would be the first elected African-American governor in Massachusetts."
Me and Molly at the same time: "Yeah, cuz there've been all those ones who've succeeded assassinated ones and stuff..."
TV guy: "Er, elected or otherwise!"

8:55

Teddy Kennedy is on my TV! Drink!

9:00

They should go into dive bars and be like "we're interviewing the locals on what they think of Teddy Kennedy's victory."

*hic* "I think it's aaaawwwesommmme" *thud*

"We're in the Pine Street Inn, asking people what they think of Grace Ross."

"We're at Andrew Detox, asking people what they think of the wine question."

9:05

Kerry Healey's hair is coming in at 2%, just ahead of Grace Ross.

GO LIEBERMAN! GO LIEBERMAN! WOO!

9:10

Jodie informs me that 4% of women voted for Grace Ross and 7% of men, according to exit polls. "Damn, her wardrobe really DID do her in!"

9:17

Mitt Romney: "We've done what no other state could do!"
Molly: "LET US GET MARRIED!"

9:21

OH MY GOD. Kerry Healey and Mitt Romney were totally sucking face there.

9:25

Ooh, Kerry Healey's giving some damn speech

"I'd like to thank my hair..."

Wait, what? You were involved with witness intimidation?

9:35

Molly says: "Whoa there, New Hampshire, I don't think I'd be yelling LYNCH! LYNCH! even if it is the candidate's name."

9:40

Dude. Teddy. You're gonna rupture something. Seriously.

9:45

OH MY GOD. Teddy. Seriously. Take some ludes.

9:48

WHAT? "My son, Christy?" Wasn't once enough for you to learn that that name makes everyone think you're a girl? Not that there's anything wrong with being a girl, of course.

9:54

HEY! Wine is losing!

9:58

Furniture store commercial.

Furniture store commercial.

My god, how many furniture stores are in this state?

Why wasn't there a question limiting that?

IF PEOPLE BUY FURNITURE, THEN THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON

I need some beer. This live blogging will resume in a moment or something.

10:03

Who's that guy?

10:04

Who's THAT guy?

10:06

No, really. Who is he, and why did he just mention pork?

10:07

Ooh, now ALL the questions are failing. That's fine, really.

10:08

DAYUM. The localities with the question about bringing home the troops are overwhelmingly voting for it. Nice.

10:09

Blah blah blah New Hampster.

10:10

"Gubernatorial loser?"

Hmm, it WOULD make a good band name...

10:12

Sheldon Whitehouse? He really needs to run for president. Just because...uh, yeah, it's funny if you're me.

10:17
Who is THIS guy?

I'll say though, he's a regular genius.

"In order to win, you gotta get votes."

Sounds like something Ron Fairly would say. "In order to score runs, you gotta get on base, then advance."

10:19

Dayum! Hynes is a zoo.

10:21

Why does channel 38 have porn music for its outro?

10:22

ARGH! Why does Christmas Tree Shop have porn music?!?!
BOWM BOWM don't you just UNTZ UNTZ love a bargain?

10:25

Um, just so everyone knows, question 3 made no damn sense. Especially the way you just phrased it, TV chick. Like, would it force them to unionize, or allow them to? Are they currently not allowed, or is it just actively discourageed? What.

10:32

Hey. These are like reruns. They already gave these speeches.

Um, Kerry Healey, stop congratulating your hair.

10:33

When are we gonna hear anything about Devens? That's at least interesting.

If you're a geek like me, that is.

10:35

Ooh, did they make this little biography piece on Deval in advance? Did they also make Kerry one? What was hers like?

Molly: I bet they didn't make them for Grace or Christy!

10:37

NO! He is NOT the second elected African-American governor. He's at least the third. P.B.S. Pinchback and Douglas Wilder were elected African-American governors in the U.S. before Deval. There were also other colonial governors, depending when you start counting "United States." Yeah, he totally makes recent U.S. history and should be commended for this, but get the past right, please.

10:39

Tim Murray said "THREEDECKA"! Drink!

10:40

Yo, can he say "commonwealth" a few more times? Dayum.

10:42

HAIR (28% precincts reporting)
Kerry Healey 42%
Tim Murray 22%
Ted Kennedy 30%

10:46

OMG! Teddy Kennedy just mentioned a bridge! (The one in Concord where historical stuff happened).

Does he plan to drive off it?

10:47

The Mayflower Compact? Is he gonna drive off of that too?

10:48

Molly: Commonwealthcommonwealthcommonwealth...why can't we live in a state like everyone else?

10:49

DAYUM. I voted for Teddy Kennedy, cuz dude, it's like unamerican not to. But what's the deal with the guy? He's screeching like a mofo, and people are all cheering and waving signs. Granted most of them are Deval signs, but dayum!

10:57

Wow, Deval is such an amazing speaker. Wow. Just wow. All the people he's including in his speech and thinks of and is happy that they're part of the community. Wow wow wow.

10:58

NO THEY DIINT JUST INTERRUPT HIM WITH A COMMERCIAL

--switching to channel 7--

OK, that's better.

Continue to amaze me Deval. There we go. Thatta guy.

11:03

OMG! "I want to thank Mitt Romney for his service...*booing*--no, no, wait a minute. That is not what we are about!"

Amen. I love you Deval!

So glad to have voted for a WINNAH. About time in this dayum state.

11:05

"...and I will listen...and I will be straight with you, as I expect you to be straight with me..."

WAIT he expects me to be straight? DAMMIT I SHOULD HAVE VOTED FOR GRACE ROSS AFTER ALL.


3 comments:

Citizen Charles Foster Kane said...

I love me some Eeka!

LaDivina said...

Okay, that was by far the best live election blog I read.

:-D

tblade said...

Nice job.