Blogging under the influence

9:07 Not under the influence yet, but I have a drink ready, and I have The State of the Union Address Drinking Game 2007 pulled up on the screen.

9:08 Oh, liveblogging might kind of suck tonight, because my interwebs is down and I'm stealing wireless from a neighbor. Thanks, neighbor!

9:13 "Madame speaker." HELL YEAH. But not listed in the drinking game.

9:14 Praised a democrat by name (Nancy Pelosi) DRINK!

9:16 "Spending the people's money wisely." How's that going for you?

9:17 THE AMERICAN PEOPLE! DRINK!

9:18 It's pronounced EEKAnomic, you incompetent fool.

You want to balance the budget? I've heard you're spending quite a bit of money on buying tanks and leaving children behind.

9:19 URRMRRS? Is he trying to say "earmarks?"

9:21 Medicare! Medicaid! Drink!

9:22 Education! Drink!

Hahaha. He said "I passed No Child Left Behind" and paused for applause, only no one did.

9:22 Standing ovation from half of congress! DRINK!

9:26 "Pro-DECT" DRINK!

9:27 John Kerry! DRINK! My congressman/woman! DRINK!

9:28 TERRISTS! DRINK!

9:29 Why wasn't stuff about a bigass fence along the Mexican border on the list?

9:30 TERRISTS! DRINK!

NUKEULAR! DRINK!

ETHANOL! DRINK!

Oh, he's introduced some initiatives. Drinkretroactively. I was too busy bitching about his initiatives.

Will you PLEASE say "hydrogen?" PLEASE!?

9:33 Standing ovation from half! Drink!

W. and Cheney took a sip of water at the same time. Assuming that's water. That's gotta be worth a drink.

9:34 He said "judges" and they panned to them. Ditto.

9:34 Only Cheney applauding. DRINK! Oh, and half of congress! DRINK!

TERRISTS!

HOMELAND!

HARRAS!

TERRISTS!

glug glug glug glug

allies...offense...enemies...if this stuff was on there, I'd be drunk

9:36 terrists...terrists...terra...terrism...terra...

Dayum, after about three years of having them on the drinking game, they took out the obvious stuff, like 9/11, anthrax, Al Qaeda...

terrists, terra, terrists...

EVIL!

9:37 Beavis, what the hell are you talking about?

9:38 Terrizing! Freedom!

Damn, they used to also include "every time he uses a word with more than 4 syllables."

What are she-extremists? Drink.

Iran! He even pronounced it right. Terrists. Terra. Terrists.

9:39 Hillary! Barack! Drinkdrinkdrinkdrink.

Hey. He was talking about the "five years since we were attacked," but he just said "six" that time.

Kerry (again, worth two drinks since he's ours!)

9:40 Terrist! Freedom!

9:41 HOLY SHIT Condi has a look on her face like she's taking a dump.

Did he just say "in 3005, the people of Afghanistan..."?

Iraq!

Kerry! +2

Hey, where's Teddy Kennedy? (Fill in your own joke about him being drunk here)

OK, why's he recapping the world events of the past 6 years in details? Some of us are literate.

Iran. Terra.

9:44 Half of congress is standing.

9:45 Do we get extra drinks if he says "ee-rock" and "eye-rack" in the same sentence?

Terrists. Terrists. Terrists. Terrists. Terrists. Iraq.

"Now it's time for their government to react." Yeah, THEIR government.

Troops!

Baghdad. Baghdad. Baghdad. Iraq. Iraq.

9:47 Wassup with the repeated "my fellow Americans?" Like we need a reminder that the president is an American. What's next, "my fellow people who are older than 35?"

Terra.

She-what? Repeat after me: shiite.

Also, drink.

9:48 American people

9:49 Half a standing ovation, Dick Cheney applauding and Nancy Pelosi not

9:50 You haven't spoken with me in person!

No, you're right, I didn't vote for failure...I voted for Kerry.

Troops! Drink!

Terra.

A commission on terra? Is that an initiative? Oh, hell, DRINK!

9:51 Is he about to propose a draft?

Hey! They cut to a soldier. Where'd he come from?

They should also plant old people, uninsured people, schoolchildren, and illegal aliens so they can cut to them.

9:52 Nukeular. Nukeular. OH WHY WON'T HE SAY HYDROGEN?

9:53 Ted Kennedy! Drink! Hillary! Barack! glug glug glug

9:54 Hunger and poverty and disease? Where are the token people to cut to?

9:55 Yeah, fight AIDS in Africa, but continue to ignore it here and just tell people not to have sex.

9:56 Aside that I think is funny: NPR was talking last night about how he's been practicing this speech for 3 days. MMMMhmm.

9:57 Special guest, Dikembe Mutumbo! Drink!

9:58 OH NO YOU DID NOT INTRODUCE JULIE AIGNER-CLARK. OK, she's pretty cool because she's a female entrepreneur...but...Baby Einstein videos? *puke*

9:59 Oh, cool, they're talking about the dude who jumped onto the subway tracks and saved the guy who'd fallen. That's awesome. Hey, and he got more applause than anyone has tonight.

10:00 Special guest who is a member of the armed forces. Oh I've lost track. glug glug glug

10:02 characters...quality...COME ON! SAY GOD!

10:03 THE STATE OF THE UNION IS STRONG! DRINK!

GOD! DRINK!

UNDER AN HOUR! DRINK!

Hahahaha his approval rating is 26%, an all-time low. Love it.


2 comments:

Lynne said...

Hilarious, eeka, thanks. I feel like I didn't miss much (since I can't get drunk and get up at 5:30am tomorrow morning)!

eeka said...

Thanks Lynne!

I got up at 6, but I actually only had one whole drink over the course of the whole thing -- they were small sips.